To my wife and friends

I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t been the same lately. Christmas was great, but since then there has been an awful shadow hanging over me and I just can’t seem to pull myself out. I’ve hardly slept for weeks and the few hours I do grab are haunted by terrifying visions. I’m so tired, I seem to arrive at places without knowing how I got there. My body feels battered and hollow. Lately, even my hands don’t feel like my own, they feel unsteady and useless. I tried to write you this letter by hand, but I could barely hold a pen. This darkness, it’s sucking me in. I’m starting to dread leaving the house, it’s like behind every corner there’s something more sinister waiting, I’m loosing it. Whats happening to me my sweet. I just don’t feel confident anymore, I’m inadequate, a pathetic joke of a man. I’ve tried reasoning with myself but I end up slumping deeper into this dungeon I’ve created for myself. By the way I’m really enjoying that game Dark Souls that you bought me for Christmas

Game Starts. Prison cell, small corridor, orange writing, outside, DEAD. You’ve got to be kidding me. I was on GamesMaster, I’m hardcore, surely I’m missing something. DEAD. Helllloooo, excuse et moi, where is the in-game tutorial, all games have an in-game tutorial. So much for a gentle learning curve, I don’t even know how to equip my sword, DEAD. WHAT…………! Look, who even am I? There’s no fucking story. I’m just some bloke in a dungeon and there are some other folks here with swords, DEAD. Ok Ok, I’ll read the manual (I read the manual) where’s the kick-ass button? Where is it? I can’t do this man, DEAD. Fine, I’ll slow it down a bit, take my time. AH HA, I see now, this button hacks, this button blocks. Yeah, take that skeleton, not so tough now ey. Yeah.. and your friend, have it,  I’ll go through that door you were guarding. Hmmm no key, nevermind I’ll go through the other door. Oh hi there ridiculously massive monster that I have no fucking idea how to damage. Oh look…. you’ve killed me with one hit and I barely got a chance to run around you like a nerd whilst you swatted at me with that massive fucking club of yours. DEAD – back to the start – DEAD and double DEAD.

And so my love affair with DARK SOULS continued to blossom

Brethren, this game is hardcore. Dark Souls clearly isn’t aimed at the Nintendogs demographic and even if you do game, it WILL own you. You’ll be choke held and nuggied. You’ll have you’re dinner money stolen, you’ll be pushed, tripped and most definately tea-bagged. This game is the bully of bullies, it is cruel and relentless, and it wants your blood. If you want to play this game, you must pay heed to the games slogan ‘Prepare to Die‘ because die you will, and again, and again and again.

So how can a game that is so stupidly hard be any good. Well because it is a masterpiece in pure gameplay. To succeed, you actually have to be good at it, it takes trial and error to the next level. By the end, you’ll feel like a hero, highly skilled and deadly, at one with your joypad. Dark Souls is rewarding like no other game I’ve played in years….decades. I’d classify Dark Souls as an RPG, like Zelda but on smack. You die a lot in this game and each time you do you’re transported back to the last bonfire (save point) you visited, and off you go again. These save points are sparse, horribly sparse and to make matters worse most enemies respawn if you die or save the game. Upon death you also loose all of your souls (in game currency). Fortunately, if you make it back to the area where you were last killed you can find your blood stain and retrieve your lost bounty. Fail to get there and it’s gone for good. Yikes. It’s beastly, but I loved it. My energy is low, I can see the bloodstain and I need those souls back, there’s a gigantic dragon in the way, come to me adrenalin, come to me.

There is a storyline, but it’s irrelevant and barely talked about. You know what? You don’t need a story, it’s a game. I don’t care about you Master Chief, I just want to shoot some shit. At some point early on you find out you’re a dead guy in place called Lordran and it’s also made pretty clear that the only way you’re going to get out is with the biggest sword you can get your hands on. There are a few folk along the way who give away very little about the world you’re in, some help you, but you can also kill them and get some items. At first I felt a bit harsh nailing someone who seemed pretty helpful, but this is Dark Souls, Canis Canem Edit. You get to choose from an array of character types at the start of the game. Theif / Wizard etc, I chose Pyromancer and got to play with fire. One of the most sought after items is humanity, using it can make your character human again, and when you’re human you can summon other folk from the online world to help you. Die, and you become ‘Hollow’ again and you also loose any extra humanities that you had stored. Yikes

The game’s predecessor Demon Souls was famed for it’s innovative online features and these have been tweaked for Dark Souls. If you spot a trap you can leave a little message on the floor that will warn other gamers of the impending doom. Gamers online playing the same area will see the message you left and hopefully avoid the hazard. It’s simple but it’s really fun and gives you a great sense of community. We’re all in this together, come on, group hug. If you are human you can also summon help from gamers across the globe to help you defeat a boss. This is extremely useful, I’m pretty sure I’d still be playing now if I hadn’t had lots of help, some of the boss battles are stupendously hard. So I’ve sessioned an area, found some humanity, become human and made it it to the boss, I’m going to summon some help and kick ass right? Wrong! When you’re human other folk can invade your game as a Dark Spirit and slay you to steal some of your bounty. DEAD. Back to the last save point minus your humanity. As if the game wasn’t hard enough.

Being completely honest there is a hint of grind to this game. Almost all areas are open at the start of the game but you get PUNISHED if you venture somewhere you shouldn’t too early. Of course once you’ve levelled up you can access harder areas but the only way to level up is to play through easier areas a few times or help other folk fight a boss a few times. It’s not that bad a grind, but it is there. Also when you do level up, you get to choose which stats to upgrade strength/magic etc.. I advise you to choose wisely, all-rounders tend to be weak all over, focus on a specific attribute is required to succeed.

The combat is ranged and fairly deep. Four buttons are used to fight and weapons are duel wielded. Mostly I carried a shield of some sort in the left and a sword or my fire hand on my right. There are wands, bows and crossbows for the more careful player. Zen like gamers will study each enemy’s attack pattern and learn to counter or lunge at the right time. There are zillions of weapons to choose from, each with a heap of stats that can be upgraded with the right item or turned into a fire/lightening version of itself. This isn’t explained much and you have to figure most of it out yourself. Dark Souls leaves it all up to you, you’re on your own, you either learn or die. A good sword can bring some well earned relief to your personal death toll but the enemies just get tougher. I never really got the hang of countering, the timing required is SF2 pro standard. I guess I’m not so hardcore after-all.

This game has been awesome, a true test. Games have become too easy, and only now have I noticed that. In the old days three lives and then pow start again, you don’t get to see the next bit unless you’ve deserved it. I mean who even saw the second level of Ghouls and Ghosts? Lately it’s become the norm to just plough through, you may get killed, but you practically restart from where you died, so death in modern games has become sort of irrelevant. Not in Dark Souls, this is a game where death is interwoven into the very essence of the gameplay. You die a lot, but forcing you to replay difficult sections again and again is actually rewarding. Some nights I played for a few hours and didn’t advance at all, just failed the same section over and over. It’s brutal but I loved it. I’ll excuse the occasional slow down – it did get a bit Sonic and Two Tails especially in a place called Blight Town. Also the camera occasionally has a mind of its own but to hell with all that. The game oozes with action, it is terribly hard, the constant boss battles are just plain unfair and I loved it. After 108 hours stretched over nearly two months I got to see the end sequence. An insubstantial 10 seconds that didn’t reward at all, the credits rolled and the game restarted. Of course it did.

Dark Souls I salute you, Outstanding 9.5/10

At some point this year Volcanoes will be eight years old. In band years (which are shorter than dog years) this makes us 376. So we thought that it’s about time we wrote an album. Initially we had the idea to re-record a collection of out fav tunes so far – we’ve got over 40. Then we thought where’s the fun in that, lets write NEW tunes. Currently we are in the writing phase and we’re pleased to announce that our pals at Exposed Magazine Sheffield have agreed to cover the making of the entire album. Together we’ve decided to create a running blog of the making of this LP using a google document that can be added to as we go. We’ll place links to various clips of new songs in rehersal, song ideas and photos. As far as we know this hasn’t been done before but it should be fun. You get to see how a songs that appear rancid can grow into little wonders. Follow the making of our debut LP here. THE MAKING OF VOLCANOES DEBUT LP

Look I’ve played a lot of games, I’d play more if I could. The FF7 alldayers bring back very fond memories, I’m a saddo, I know. Unfortunately times have changed, somehow I find myself all grown up, I’ve got responsibilities, sometimes I play golf. I’m not quite sure how I got here but suddenly I’m lucky if I can squeeze in a full Halo match between nappy changes, I’m so tired, sometimes I have to cook for myself. What I’m trying to say is that my game time is precious. To link together a few un-interupted hours is a feet of extreme time-management, I play late against annoying kids from the USA. When I play a game, I just want to have fun. I don’t want hours of repetition to gain virtual achievements, what are they for anyway! I’m not looking for hidden levels to unlock new avatar costumes,  who cares about that? To ensure my fingers get a proper exercise I play about a game a month. If the game is good I’ll play it faster to the detriment of my sleep and childcare capabilities.

Prologue over, El Shaddai took me 3 long weeks to complete. I could have dragged it out more but I wanted it done and dusted. I’d been lured by bright lights and Flashback esq 2D screenshots. For all the visual pomp (and it does look amazing) this game has a flaw, the actual game. I suppose you could compare it to that film Transformers 3, which I’ve never seen, but I’ve heard the rumours.

El Shaddai ticked boxes even before I’d opened the box. The game is based on ‘The Book of Enoch’ an ancient religious text that is regarded as canonical by some Christian Churches. Enoch is the great grandfather of Noah (who built the Ark) and he is commanded by God to return to earth and hunt down a pack of fallen Angels, referred to as Watchers. I like games that tackle bigger issues, I’ve shot down a lot of invading aliens but I haven’t done many missions for the big man ‘tick’. Also it’s visually amazing, I don’t do drugs but if they’re as good as this I’m in. It’s abstract, surrealist, minimalist and occasionally haunting, oh and sometimes it’s like Kirby – yeah the fat pink thing from Nintendo ‘tick’. Now I’m old I like old things so blow my bloomers this game has some 2D platform sections that are actually pretty tricky ‘tick’.

I’m rebelling against the tosspots who yell out racist slurs to each whilst playing Call of Duty. This game says I’m an intellectual, I want to love this game. I’m eager to be lured into a deep and colourful pseudo-religious world. Obviously Ignition Games have other ideas and have created a game about a random blonde guy who has to jump over moving platforms whilst beating up a host of enemies. I’m pretty sure the Jewish scribes had exactly this in mind 2000 years ago. There is a narrative but it’s so hard to follow. Lucifer is there on his mobile phone and you occasionally catch him chatting to God about your progress. I think Lucifer was still a goody at this point. There are Nephilim, these are the spawn of Angels and humans, they look like Kirby (fat pink things) and they bounce. There are four Arch-Angels on your team that fly about transfigured into swans, they give you small chunks of advice whilst the scenery shifts about like a hard house music video. Did I mention the boss battles? No, not the actual boss battles but the ones that keep popping up vs a fallen Angel that you can’t actually win. Yeah they’re annoying.

The combat system promises lots but if I’m honest it’s just button bashy and repetitive. I’ve read reviews that praise these simple yet innovative mechanics, apparently it’s easy to play hard to master. I guess these reviewers have cut and paste that phrase from the games press release, as it’s not the case at all. You press jump, hit or block, and you hit them until the enemy is dead. Yes, there are a few tricks up Enoch’s sleeve like charging attacks and countering but after I did this a few times I ended up relying on the standard mash combo. Hitting attack, delaying and then hitting attack again causes a guard break attack, trust me this is useful advice!

There are three heavenly weapons to choose from. Arch which is mostly used like a sword, Vale which is a projectile weapon and Gale which gives you big fists. The enemies themselves are armed with these weapons revealing a paper/scissor/stone element, each weapon having an advantage over another. For you to change weapon, you mostly have to steal it from a dazed opponent, they are then defenseless and ripe for a biblical ninja whipping. It’s fun for a bit, like Double Dragon on LSD but I’m afraid the paper/scissor/stone thing is a bit ropey, I just used whatever on whoever until they stayed the F down.

I’ll ignore the boss battles you can’t win, there were times when I was at one with the madness and these seemed to make sense. Enoch’s job is to kick ass against seven fallen Angels, this should be gaming gold. Instead it’s rather boring and occasionally frustrating. I struggled often to know where to hit, when to hit and if my hits were hurting at all. I’d let this go but it happened on multiple occasions, bad Ignition Games. If you get KOd you get several chance to breath life back into your broken body by mashing buttons. Just keep mashing buttons.

I’m pretty sure my 13 week old son would give this game full marks. He attention was rapidly drawn from play-mat to screen and he was soon transformed into a mouth foaming stupour. My ecstasy was shorter lived. So much potential, visually superior but flawed in it’s execution. There remain good reasons to play this game. I reckon with a bit of TLC they could nail the sequel but tweaks are required. The 2D sections are a welcome challenge, it’s been a while. The bulk of the game remains short of greatness, not worthy of a replay that’s fo sho. I couldn’t help thinking of Bayonetta whilst I hammered the attack button. Now there’s a game.

El Shaddai (Ascension of the Metatron) 6/10

Hugs and high fives to Exposed Magazine Sheffield who have interviewed us for their monthly magazine and filmed us in session playing three tunes. We absolutely loved the session and have recorded our version of ‘Walk like an Egyptian’ along with two tracks from our new release Vexihomp for ya’ll to listen to. The interview along with Youtube clips are available to view here……
Exposed Magazine

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On another note Vexihomp has been downloaded loads over the weekend. Get yourself a copy, it’s Free if you like and it’s beastly. Click our music tab x